Have you experienced being left out or the least favourite in a group?
I often experience it from time to time. The feeling of being unwanted and unloved and not being the favourite person makes me feel distant and alone.
Sometimes, I think that maybe I’m just sensitive and emotional. But why do I have to feel those specific emotions? Why do I have to be in a group who doesn’t like to be with me?
Either way, it’s just a feeling and thought that kept running in my head for a couple of days and will stop and then run again, and the cycle repeats.
I know it’s really hard to communicate online, especially as an empathetic who observes behaviors; how can I observe in chat? Hard to tell, and the interpretation will depend on how it is read and understood by a reader like me. So, as much as possible, I’m trying to slow down and understand those who thought in different angles.
But reading different books or listening to advices from different experienced people taught me that opinions of others of me shouldn’t matter. What matter most is my ow opinion to myself. Just focus on what I can control and letgo of whag I can’t.
I should stop caring what other people think, I don’t live for their approval or become someone who always pleases them. My only wish is to be love and treated right.
Also, there are times that I’m just overthinking little things. I’m just making it exaggerated, so I have to be careful about what to focus on. Baka mamaya akala ko lang ganon pero hindi naman talaga. Hormones!!
Life is full of surprises. You can not tell what will happen next or if everything will fall according to your plans. It can be fulfilling now, but the next day is full of unfortunate events. Life is a roller coaster ride.
I don’t know where my life would be. Where my feet would take me or my dreams would bring me. I’m just enjoying the process and sticking to my goals.
Setting a Goal
Setting a goal will give you direction. Once you set a goal, you will know where you will go and what you will need. That kind of awareness will create a bridge that will give you direction to reach that goal.
I knew from the start that I didn’t know where my life would end up or what career was the best for me. But I didn’t stop looking for the answer. I am still unsure what is best for me, but I am not giving up and am still chasing my dreams.
My direction
I am not afraid of taking risks because I know I will learn a lot from experiences that will help me grow and be the best version of myself.
I am always thirsty for growth, knowledge, and answers. But I am not perfect; sometimes, I feel unmotivated and wanted to give up. But still, I need to be strong and put myself back to finish and continue my journey.
I experienced a lot of failures in my life, but I didn’t regret anything because those failures made me stronger for who I am today. Those failures became my direction in life because I know I am not alone and always guided by God. Having him with me makes me feel safe and on the right path and that everything happens for a reason.
Yesterday, I decided to change my username on YouTube. I want to use kimarodri or kimarodriguez (if not taken) as my username for all my social media platforms. For personal branding, consistency is essential and for other people to easily remember me.
As I was about to change, I opened my YouTube account and saw my old videos. I have two shorts and one regular video.
This video is like a “vlog” that I uploaded four years ago. Vlogs were very popular at that time. By doing this so-called, Watsons Haul. I was shocked that I did it and joined the trend.
I’m an introvert. I know that I am not confident about showing my face, recording, or doing anything. But I find it fun that I managed to experience vlogging. I am forever grateful and happy that I did.
At least I have something to look back lol. I shared this with my friends. They all laughed. It seemed like they didn’t expect me to do that, hahaha.
Loving yourself is the most significant evolution. – Jennifer Phelps.
This is the quote that I always look up to.
Accepting and loving myself is the first step to happiness and growth. Investing in myself is the best option investment, like education, physical and mental health, developing new skills, and doing anything to contribute to my long-term well-being.
Backstory
These past few years, I have been struggling to appreciate myself. I lack self-love and trust. I always thought I was insufficient, couldn’t do anything good, and was always a failure.
I always look down on myself, blaming and doubting that whenever I do something, even though I didn’t do anything wrong. I always seek validation and reassurance. Other people’s moods and reactions also affect how I look at myself.
It’s hard to train my mind and body on what is good for me. There are times that after collaborating with colleagues, I feel so down because of “what ifs” that I overthink a lot. What if they are not satisfied with my performance and output?
Challenges
The most challenging part of my life right now is how I will be able to conquer this kind of habit and mindset. I always think negatively about my skills and abilities. I don’t trust that I’m doing great, and people see that.
I’m always afraid that I am not enough. I am thirsty for appreciation and validation; however, once they give me compliments, I don’t believe in them, and it sucks because I want to help myself be more gentle.
I want to grow and develop new behavior. A behavior where I am confident, happy, and trust myself even more that everything can be improved and changed if I only work and focus on it.
Solution
So now, I am starting (again) meditation every morning to practice breathing and clear my mind. Meditation can help start a joyous and happy day without too much stress or overthinking.
Also, I am trying to be consistent in blogging as it helps ease my intrusive thoughts. I may not write a blog post daily, but once I feel something and want to release, write, or share, I write it here.
Journaling or blogging is one of my best escapes because it helps me reduce stress, anxiety, and unwanted thoughts that will improve my mood.
I can even track my progress and how much love I am returning to myself.
Impostor Syndrome is a psychological occurrence or a condition of feeling anxious, doubting skills, talents, accomplishments, or not believing in oneself.
Challenge
Lately, I find myself afraid and anxious about my skills in the company I am now working at. There are times that my confidence are getting low just because I think I am not good and reliable enough to do the job I need to do.
I know that these feelings are just in the mind. But still, I want to express it here so it won’t stay in my head. I have no one to share this kind of feeling because I don’t want to bring negative energy to others.
Solution
The only way I know to address this is by atomically changing my daily habits because it can impact the way neurons work, especially if the habits are repeatedly undergone. In continuing this, I know I will develop a new behavior that can change how I perceive myself.
Today is an important day for me. I will never forget this day and cherish it for the rest of my life!
Backstory
I started transitioning my career during the pandemic while managing my family business. I researched and upskilled. My dream is to work in tech. Work from home with your PC/laptop and working. It’s fun and exciting because I came from a working environment that needs to be physically present, shifting, and do over time. At first, I was ok with it, but I knew this was not what I wanted. That’s the reason I pursue my dream job. I know it’s risky because I need to start from scratch again, but it’s ok. I know I can do this!
When I was in high school, I was sure that I wanted a computer career. I love computers! That’s my favourite subject and the organization I joined back then. We call our group “Charle’s Babbage Club.” I don’t know. It sounds weird now, but back then, it was awesome, hahaha.
Challenges
After graduation, I am choosing what course I should take. My family are from Science courses. I wish I took Computer Science since it’s still a “Science,” hahaha, but no. It’s like my path is already written. My mom is competitive, and to be honest, I was so pressured at that time. My mom wants us to be a doctor; my sister is on a pre-med course (and kudos to my sister, who is now a doctor! I love you, sissy!), so they are expecting me to choose a pre-med course as well.
I am so confused, and I don’t know what to choose. I remember my First choice was BS Biology, followed by BS Information Technology, and lastly BS Computer Science. After the entrance exam, I got admitted to the BS Biology course, and I was like (omg, Biology is my hatest subject aside from Chem lol). Anyway, I had no choice but to pursue and luckily, I did! It’s hard, tho, but I finished and majored in Microbiology.
Solution
After years have passed, I have finally started pursuing the career I want. If not now, when? I just want to try. I know we have different timelines, so whether I made it or not, I am still happy because I am trying, and that’s okay.
April 11, 2023, is the day when I started a UX Researcher role in a tech company. I was so nervous; after a pandemic of no socialisation, I felt like, “Am I able to mingle with these people? Am I able to start a conversation and collaborate with them? ” Well, I adjusted like months, from being the most silent to most talkative in the office, and I miss that! 🥺
Who would have thought after so many challenges and unpredictable instances, I would still be able to achieve my dream job? I will never forget this day as it makes my dream come true! Thank you, Qairos!
New Chapter
I am on a new journey as a UX Researcher in a new company. I am still proud of myself for pursuing and risking this journey. I am genuinely honoured by all the blessings I received in 2023 and will continue this 2024. Thank you, God, for giving me this opportunity I can’t imagine. Thank you for the trust and guidance that I can and deserve.
Disclaimer: The product effectiveness I discuss in this blog is based solely on my personal experience. Remember, what works for me may not work for everyone due to differences in skin types. Always do a patch test and consider consulting a dermatologist before trying new products. I’m not liable for any reactions or results from using these products.
Backstory
Ever since I was in college, I have loved using skincare. I am the darkest and the not-so-glass skin in the family. That’s why it became part of my insecurities. Even though my friends told me I already have naturally clear and smooth skin, I always wanted to get my skin lighter and smoother.
Challenges
I struggled to improve myself because my siblings are fair, and I have a Morena skin tone. Having fair skin was considered beautiful while growing up, so I felt underappreciated. Using whitening products like glutathione and Kojic acid was popular during those times.
But now, I am embracing my skin tone and putting more love on myself. Nobody can fully love me but me.
Solution
I started using Nacific products last year, and I can tell that these products are my holy grail. They are effective yet mild on my skin, and it does wonders. My family and friends noticed that I have clear and soft skin, and it flattered me because I appreciate those comments or compliments.
I bought another set with newfound gems: moisturizer and sunscreen from Sunnies Face.Many people recommend this duo, so I planned to try it out to see if it would work on my skin type.
So far, I enjoy caring for my skin without worrying about my skin tone. Investing in skin care is important; your future self will thank you.
Next plan: Since I am more in the self-love era, I will start improving my physical body and health.
Life is full of unpredictable events and scenarios. I can’t tell why everything happened, but I know it is God’s will. Now I am writing because I have good news. As you can see in the picture, I received my employment ID. EMPLOYMENT ID!! 🤗
I am sharing with you that I have finally been hired and started working at Booky! I didn’t expect this to happen in my life. But with God’s plan and blessing, I knew this was all he wanted for me. When I got laid off, I cried and cried and thought, what if no company would accept me? What if I am unemployed forever? I started hating myself at that time, but things changed. I saw the job posting and wondered whether I should apply or just let it go. Thankfully, I did!
Backstory
My heart leaped when I received a call from HR about my initial interview schedule. I felt a mix of excitement and nervousness, especially since I was still in a somewhat sorrowful state of mind. During the interview, I faced not one but three interviewers—Joey, Czar, and Trish—which made me even more anxious at first.
But, as the conversation progressed, I found myself enjoying it. They were warm, friendly, and approachable, which helped me relax and feel comfortable sharing my experiences. Their kind tone and positive energy made the interview feel less like an interrogation and more like an engaging discussion.
After the Google Meet session, I was left with a whirlwind of emotions—happiness, excitement, and lingering nervousness. Many candidates are more qualified than I am. Still, I’m genuinely proud of myself for giving it my best shot. No matter what happens, I’m still trying, and that’s what matters most.
I decided to create a sample portfolio deck since I couldn’t share my step-by-step process due to a signed NDA. After sending it via email, Joey messaged me to coordinate with HR about scheduling the final interview. I was completely shocked—I hadn’t expected things to move this quickly. My mind went into overdrive, overthinking every possible outcome. “What if I fail this? I’d be dead meat,” I thought to myself.
When the final interview day arrived, it felt like judgment day. To prepare, I watched countless YouTube videos and read many blogs about final interviews. I wanted to make sure I left no stone unturned.
On the day of my final job interview, I was both incredibly excited and nervous. I met Dino, the head of product. My nerves quickly eased. He was just as welcoming as Joey, Czar, and Trish from the initial interview. His friendly demeanor made me feel at ease. I became quite chatty. I even found myself laughing a lot during the conversation.
Despite feeling at ease during the interview, I couldn’t shake the overthinking—constantly questioning whether I truly deserved this opportunity. When Dino mentioned there were three other finalists, it underscored just how tough the competition was.
Coincidentally, the interview took place on Valentine’s Day, a date that felt strangely meaningful to me. I did not pray specifically to land the job. Instead, I focused on asking for guidance. I wanted to be led toward the path that was truly meant for me. I trusted that, whatever the outcome, it would align with a greater purpose.
I’m excited to share that I finally received the job offer and have been working here for a month now! It’s been a whirlwind of emotions—nerves, excitement, and everything in between—but overall, I feel incredibly grateful for this opportunity. I truly feel lucky to have received such a blessing, and I’m honored to have been chosen. I’m committed to working hard, giving my best, and making a meaningful contribution to the company.
"When one door closes, another one opens" is a timeless reminder that endings often lead to new beginnings. It encourages resilience and optimism, highlighting that setbacks can pave the way for unexpected opportunities. Embracing this mindset can help you move forward with hope, trusting that each chapter in life serves a purpose. 🌟
It’s been a while since my last post. It’s good to have a follow-up post, and maybe I can name this blog something about my life. I am writing now because I have something to share before I turn 29 on February 11.
I am grateful for the year 2023. Who would have thought I could land a job right after transitioning to user experience, even though I only have the certification from Google UX Design? I am blessed in so many ways. We all are. I think we need to find that door to see ourselves.
As mentioned, I landed a job as a UX researcher at an IT consulting agency. At first, I was so nervous and anxious. They are all great, with experience and from a computer field background, and they communicate well.
But I was amazed by these people. They are all humble and welcoming. They didn’t make me feel that I was different. The culture is superb, with no hierarchy. They are all friendly and approachable, which makes the office a really good place to work.
I was like, Thank you, Lord; I know you gave these people to me. I know it’s your plan for me to meet and be friends with them. I miss them so much.
I learned a lot from them, and I am blessed to be part of this team. I didn’t know what I did to deserve this kind of blessing. I’m really happy that they became part of my journey. However, as time passed, changes happened. The people I met during my first day are slowly leaving. But the friendship and bond are still there, even though others have left already.
The memories, learnings, teamwork, laughter, tears, and everything else will always be in my heart. And now, it’s my turn. I don’t want to leave, but I have to. This is the reality of life, and change is the only constant thing in the world. Redundancy, layoffs, and anything that has the same effect happen.
I can now fully tell myself, Welcome to the tech world. My first ever tech job and my first ever layoff. No regrets, no hard feelings, just full of memories and learnings. I will never forget all of them: my discovery team, the design team, the dev team, and the PM. I will always be here in touch with all of them, even though we parted ways.
This is my 2023, full of learning, memories, laughter, and tears, but these are the memories that I will always look back on.
“How are you?” A question rarely posed by those I hold dear and cherish. Lately, my anxiety has been on the rise, and I’ve been feeling down these past few days. While I know I should try to ignore it and not let it bother me, the relentless cycle of overthinking continues to haunt me.
There are good days, but most are not. I find myself extremely vulnerable to the hurtful things people say about me. I often question whether I’m just overanalyzing, or if some individuals genuinely revel in meddling in others’ affairs.
Nonetheless, in the face of all the challenges I’m enduring, I am determined not to be consumed by them. No one has the right to define who I am or limit my potential. They only know the fragments of my life that I choose to reveal. Most importantly, whatever they say is no longer my concern. I wholeheartedly believe in myself, my abilities, and my values.
